So blessed!

Thirteen years ago the Lord gave me an assignment that I did not know the depths of nor the impact of. He called me to be a mother. I only knew so much in theory, of course. Oh how did I know what it would demand from me and at the same time bless me. In my profile I state the I am a women I never thought I could be. Yes I had wishes, however, they were not expectations. They were hopes and not fulfillments. I had dreams that I never thought would amount to much of anything. Who would think I could be blessed in such a way. Only God!

My Lainey is the fulfillment of a promise. She is they reason I have come to expect and not just wish. She is the reminder that the demands on me are blessings. Emptying of oneself to be filled by the Lord. What a pleasure that has become!

So, that being said Todd and I were able to bless Lainey's birthday with a trip to Chicago. And it really allowed her and me to deepen our relationship, to enjoy each other's company.

Get this!

I got a new book from the library. A Christian novel called "Redemption." The other night I was reading the first chapter about the woman finding out her husband was having an affair. He didn't even come to her when he was clearly busted. He didn't beg for forgiveness. He told her he didn't want to be married anymore.....I fell asleep while reading and when Todd got home, I was mad at him. Oops! I might need another visit to the library.

WOW! I am tired!

Ok... I have to admit that there are so many moving parts in my life I am very concerned that I am going to lose something, or for that matter, someone. I am ready for a break but I don't see that happening. So I will press on and wait for the Lord. He says that his burden is light and I can come to Him and He will give me rest. So tonight that is where I am heading...into the arms of my Savior... leaning on His everlasting arms!

My Response is My Responsibility

Whatever Wednesday

This is the biggest "Whatever" Wednesday ever. I feel so out of sorts it is crazy. Last night I slept great (thanks to Nyquil). Then I went running and that was hard! The weather was so humid I was dripping. I guess Nyquil at night and running early 6 a.m. don't do well together. I thought I was going to have to sit down in a someone's yard to take a break! The whole time I was telling the Lord that I didn't have enough to make it through the next week of nightly meetings and daily teachings and chores and life. "I guess you, Lord, are going to have to show up for me."
Get back to the house and Todd is asleep on couch with Em who had a bad dream so I go to bedroom and turn on TV. Commercials, commercials, commercials!!! Then I find "Gene Simmon's Family Jewels" Sweet way to start the day! Bizarrish episode!
I was about to watch my second episode when Todd stumbled in from den and I reacted like I was a 12 year old child watching something I shouldn't. Quickly changed the channel and guess where it landed! That's right...Beth Moore!

How about that for divine intervention? And guess what her subject was? Praise in the midst of circumstances that are not changing! Acts 16 Paul and Silas in jail! Basically to sum up the first two hours of my Whatever Wednesday, God not only wants to change my life, He wants to change my day. My day can change with a change of attitude. But I ask, what if I like to hold my stubborn attitude. What if I don't want it to change. I just want to keep it. Pout and whine. Pout and whine!! ....But it would be such a waste! A waste of time and a waste of memories. A waste of a day that I can't get back.

When I look back to all my wasted years of fear, worry and pride, it makes me angry that I would let even one more be robbed from me, my family and my King. I haven't been jailed nor flogged. I have a husband who is in love with me. Kids that love me. And a Savior that sings over me. So it may begin with a hum, but even so I will begin to praise. Let the flowing waters of praise stir my soul!!

Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

Praise Him, all creatures here below.

Praise Him above ye heavenly hosts.

Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.

What About That

This is a recap of sorts. I have nothing specific to say. I raced my first race today. It was a lot of fun. There were a few things that spoke to me today.

How slow took on a new meaning today! People walking were passing me, as well as, several grandmas! Hilarious and sad at the same time! The classic story of the tortoise and the hare stayed in head.

The other thing that I noted today were those who cheering us on. Reminding us to keep going and how we were close to the end. I couldn't help but think about the cloud of witnesses that is mentioned in Hebrews.

And then my running partner, Jill, who could have gone and gotten a latte while waiting for me to come to the finish line, came and met me about 30 yards or so from the finish line to run with me to the end. What a sweet demonstration of encouragement and love!

I keep getting reminded how all this translates into my spiritual life. So thankful for being taught things that will last eternally.

Now I am tired so I will have to go. Go Dawgs. Beat those Cats!!

Easier Said than Done!

How simple is it to say things! No sooner you say something that you get tested in the very thing you said. It is very humbling. This time I want to eat my words. I want to not only hear the truths that God has been teaching me, I want to digest them. Take them to the depths of my spirit so that the overflow of my heart will be a blessing and be pleasing to the Lord!

So I will press on tonight! I won't stop. It is not time to quit but to dig deep and stand firm. Praise God that he didn't quit on me! Today, Emily and Holly were the only children at choir. Our family makes up over 50% of the children's choir. So Jeaneen is going to let them sing a duet for church tomorrow and this is the preciousness of being a mom because I get to hear my babies sing the following:

Thank you, Lord, for saving me

Thank you, Lord, for keeping me

I know you're Lord of All

You hear my call

We bless you

We praise you, Lord!

So looking forward to this week! God is faithful. He will not be denied! Kind of like the Dawgs today! LOL! Thought I would lighten up the post!

Got Faith?

"Why have you dealt ill with your servant?" Numbers 11:11

Spurgeon says, " Our heavenly Father sends us frequent trouble to test our faith. If our faith is worth anything, it will stand the test. Gilt [superficial brilliance or shine] is afraid of fire, but gold is not: The imitation gem dreads being touched by the diamond, but the true jewel fears no test. It is a poor faith that can only trust God when friends are true, the body is healthy, and the business profitable; but it is true faith that rests in the Lord's faithfulness when friends are gone, the body is ailing, spirits are depressed, and the light of our Father's face is hidden. A faith that can say, in deepest trouble, 'Though he slay me, I will hope in Him' is a heaven-born faith."

Lord, create a true faith in me!!

Wednesday's Word

"For I am the Lord, your God,

Who takes hold of your right hand and says to you,

"Do not fear; I will help you."

Isaiah 41:13

Refinement is a Pain!

I have been training for my first 5k. That's right, me! I have run in one race in my entire life. Then I was 16 and it was horrible and I did not run I walked. Now I am 40 and got the crazy idea to try it. I often say the I hate exercise but I have found an odd enjoyment in this training. Now I know what preachers were talking about when they talked about running the race and how the training is the hard part. It shows you your weaknesses and exposes truths about you that are so not pretty.


Over this last month or so, I have discovered a two things about me:

• I am not all that I think I am. I thought I could handle a lot but when I get pushed physically I get very angry in an ugly way. I mean when the pressure is on my attitude is not. I find that the battles I have physically are translated spiritually. It reflects how I operate in my relationship with the Lord.
• I do just enough to get by. Ouch! That one hurts when it comes out! As I have been following a training plan I find myself thinking of ways to avoid finishing. The last two times I have run I found myself arguing on whether to stop or not. My neighbors probably think I have multiple personalities. I mean it has been a battle. This morning I realize that I do it in a lot, if not all, areas of my life.

These are not the only two problems or weaknesses I have, by far. But they are the ones that have been brought into the light. But there are two things that I know to be true:

• He loves me with an everlasting love. His correction is His love and for His glory. I cannot put into words what He is allowing me to see but I know He has got me. He has got me. He has got my husband! He has got my children! His grasp is sure and forever!
• He only wants me to do what he requires of me. Nothing more and nothing less. The physical lesson is that I have assigned runs to do with this program and I have been able to finish what has been required of me that day. So that translates that I desire to do what God requires of me in that day. And because He has got me I know He will guide me into what exactly that is.

All that to say that this has been a very humbling time for me! But my faith and hope in God has grown so much. I am understanding that I cannot receive in my heart all the treasures He is teaching if my heart is not first broken and contrite. Notice I didn't say perfect. I said broken.

Oh how I would love to blog to brag on some tips for cooking (my favorite blogs) to homeschooling experiences (informative, of course) but this is my therapy. This is my testimony. This is my blessed assurance!

Perfect submission all is at rest. I in my Savior am happy and blest;

Watching and waiting, looking above, filled with His goodness, lost in His love.

This is my story, this my song. Praising my Savior all the day long.

This is my story, this is my song. Praising my Savior all the day long.

What a Difference a Year Makes

Well, we have started a new school year. It is amazing how different it is. The feelings of being overwhelmed has diminished greatly. It, in no way, has disappeared but it does not consume me. I know that time helps things but I contribute it to seeing God's faithfulness as time goes by. Often times we cannot see His hand until we have passed through the change that created "havoc." I know He is faithful. But since so many distractions have been removed, I have actually started looking for it. I mean it IS the theme of this blog!!
I have had so precious moments with the children. I never thought I could be the kind of mom that I am seeing as I reflect on my day. So thankful for the change that God has created in me. Dont get me wrong I have a long way to go, but my heart toward life and its challenges has a great amount of hope. It no longer feels like duty but I feels like I would miss it if were to change!!!! So thankful that God busts our box and doesn't allow to stay in the same place. So thankful for the streams of living water that stir my stagnant waters.

Great is Thy faithfulness, Great is Thy faithfulness;
Morning by morning, New mercies I see.
All I hath needed, Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me!

Insomnia and the big "4-0"

Ok, this is getting very old...getting up in the middle of the night is becoming the norm. Before long I am going to bite everyone's head off or run off the road in a desperate attempt not to catch a nap. Is it because in 12 days I turn the big 4-0! I used to hate hearing about "old" people talk about how their body wasn't the same and how things were breaking down like they never did before. It feels like age 40 is similar to the day you pay off a car loan. I paid off my car this year and now my passenger window wont come down, my speedometer doesn't work, rearview mirror breaks, CD won't receive CD's and it has a smell about it. It is like my body at "4-0." I went walking for excercise (yes I said excercise, shocking!) only twice so far and my legs, heels and neck ached so bad, perhaps throbbed would be a better word. The sad thing is I didn't walk that far. Scaaaaary!
Oh, well! So be it. One thing I know I want to grow old gracefully. I want to accept the sags and wrinkles and all that "fun" stuff with joy. I realize more and more that God is beautifying me. He sees me differently, rightly. So thankful my faith is not in me or anything this world has to offer. Just want to reflect that faith to my husband and kids daily. Faith that God is real and powerful and willing and able and good and big...very, very big!

Summer Book Club

Ok I am a big fan of Francine Rivers' book, Redeeming Love is a required reading for all. However, this summer I am reading her Mark of the Lion Series. Wow! The first one grabbed my heart in a way that I did not expect. The kids and I had been reading about important events in Christian History. The time of Nero and Titus around 70-90 A.D. was fresh in my mind when I began the first book of the series, A Voice in the Wind. The persecution that was happening was extreme and horrifying. We don't have a clue. But it spoke to my heart in a way that renew my confidence that God will hold us and allow us to stand firm to the end. Jesus is the author and perfecter of our faith. And He cannot fail! The work of His hands cannot be destroyed.
Hadassah's character is the embodiment of the desire of my heart. Humilty coupled with fear and dependence on God alone for guidance and strength. Wholehearted devotion to a God that cannot fail and will not let me go. What a no-brainer! But for some reason I get tossed with doubt. I am more convince than ever that time spent with Him like Mary at Jesus' feet is far better and necessary. There will never not be a moment of any day when we don't need Him. He is the requirement!

Summer Time, Sweet!

Oh, how I love the summer. Even with the relaxed schedule and time spent at the beach , pool and vacation, I can find something to worry about. For some reason down time brings me stress. Crazy right? The other day I heard a story on the radio about a ten-year old little girl who read the bible all the way through. Her mother asked her, "What did you learn?" She replied, "God is really, really God!" It brought such a well of emotion to my heart. No need to worry, no need to fear. God is really, really God. With that said, I will enjoy God today and treasure the work He has given me.

Say it, Say it Often

When one of my children come and say "thank you," I am so blessed. Not by coercion or reminder. They are truly thankful from the heart or just want to let me know. What an tenderness it creates within my heart. If I get that way, what would it mean to God. The God of all. What a privilege we have to walk through the torn veil right into the Most Holy Place to say "thank you." What joy it brings God. Say it and say it often even if your circumstances are less than favorable or just plain tough. Say it! Say it often!

"What if"

Today my sweet precious husband had his gall bladder removed after two years of chronic pain and discomfort. Even though it was a easy surgery there was a small "what if" in the pit of my soul that cause me to wonder. What a transformation God has done in our lives individually and as a couple. I can truly say that he is my biggest fan and my most loved friend. We need each other. We value each other. We have come so far in how we disagree and how we handle the tough things that come our way. I am grateful to God for his sustaining work in each of us and our marriage. I know we can be an example but at one point I just wanted it to be pure and genuine and enjoyable without regard to who was looking. Today whatever we portray to those who might see, I can honestly say with integrity that I love my man! I love his passion. I love his drive. I love his provision. I love the way he laughs. I love his honesty (mostly). I love the father that he is and how it is willing to acknowledge when he is wrong. I love that he is in love with me. And I can see God in him. Thank you Lord. Thank you for changing us and making us more like you. Making us one!

Eureka!

We did it! Some things are so simple that I continue to make them so much more complicated. It is so true of me. Nearly a year after beginning this blog we just now fixed it. And I ask myself "Why?" And the answer is easy--lack of knowledge. Oh well, lesson learned--at least for today!

This is an aside: Today driving home after lunch we passed the Best Buy and Nathan told Lainey that when she grows up she need to be on the Geek Squad. Clueless to the compliment, Lainey was offended. However, he stated that it is because she knows everything about computers and tv. Well, Geek Squad or not. She helped me get this blog going. Smart girl!!

Help!!

OH! I do not know what I am doing. I know many wouldn't be surprised. This blog has been a mess. I knew I was in trouble when Lainey could not figure it out.