Refinement is a Pain!

I have been training for my first 5k. That's right, me! I have run in one race in my entire life. Then I was 16 and it was horrible and I did not run I walked. Now I am 40 and got the crazy idea to try it. I often say the I hate exercise but I have found an odd enjoyment in this training. Now I know what preachers were talking about when they talked about running the race and how the training is the hard part. It shows you your weaknesses and exposes truths about you that are so not pretty.


Over this last month or so, I have discovered a two things about me:

• I am not all that I think I am. I thought I could handle a lot but when I get pushed physically I get very angry in an ugly way. I mean when the pressure is on my attitude is not. I find that the battles I have physically are translated spiritually. It reflects how I operate in my relationship with the Lord.
• I do just enough to get by. Ouch! That one hurts when it comes out! As I have been following a training plan I find myself thinking of ways to avoid finishing. The last two times I have run I found myself arguing on whether to stop or not. My neighbors probably think I have multiple personalities. I mean it has been a battle. This morning I realize that I do it in a lot, if not all, areas of my life.

These are not the only two problems or weaknesses I have, by far. But they are the ones that have been brought into the light. But there are two things that I know to be true:

• He loves me with an everlasting love. His correction is His love and for His glory. I cannot put into words what He is allowing me to see but I know He has got me. He has got me. He has got my husband! He has got my children! His grasp is sure and forever!
• He only wants me to do what he requires of me. Nothing more and nothing less. The physical lesson is that I have assigned runs to do with this program and I have been able to finish what has been required of me that day. So that translates that I desire to do what God requires of me in that day. And because He has got me I know He will guide me into what exactly that is.

All that to say that this has been a very humbling time for me! But my faith and hope in God has grown so much. I am understanding that I cannot receive in my heart all the treasures He is teaching if my heart is not first broken and contrite. Notice I didn't say perfect. I said broken.

Oh how I would love to blog to brag on some tips for cooking (my favorite blogs) to homeschooling experiences (informative, of course) but this is my therapy. This is my testimony. This is my blessed assurance!

Perfect submission all is at rest. I in my Savior am happy and blest;

Watching and waiting, looking above, filled with His goodness, lost in His love.

This is my story, this my song. Praising my Savior all the day long.

This is my story, this is my song. Praising my Savior all the day long.